10+ a faux pas

OK, so I am a fashion snob, well, kind of. I like to call it fashion common sense. I mean, come on, who honestly feels comfortable walking out of the house wearing socks and sandals? No one except fashion criminals, right? Exactly. There are tons of these kinds of fashion breaches, many of which are on display in this undated photo of some stranger below:

You can see the deadly combination of the white tube sock and the active sandal, or what I refer to as the Honkey Sandal. I don't care who you are, where you are from, what you believe in, etc. You should be arrested and jailed for thinking, even for a second, that this combo is couth.

Not couth.

The jacked-up waist line is a gimme and shouldn't even be talked about, unless your draw string is needed to save a drowning baby. The flat brimmed hat has made a comeback among the hip hop crowd, but I say how dare they. Don't they know that the flat brimmed hat started the great depression in the 1920's? Such egregious behavior can prove to be fatal. Lastly, I would like to point out the worst blunder of all in this picture, the Fanny Pack.

Fellas, there is never, EVER a right time to wear one of these bad boys. I have often heard the excuse, "But I was at Disney World." What? I don't care if you were in a sauna with no clothes on...what...go with it...there is never a right time for the fanny pack. Ever.

Need to carry some extra cash? Get a bigger wallet. Need a place to put your passport? get a man-pouch that can tuck under your shirt. But never, EVER resort to using a fanny pack. One friend of mine did so on an ill-fated trip with his family to see Mickey and the concubines and he ended up losing all of his hair. Yeah, I know, I didn't know fanny pack wearage could cause such severe health problems, either. Just be glad that I told you.

I am telling you all of this because there have been some rumors floating around the internets that I have been wearing a fanny pack while running. First off, I would just like to say that is simply blasphemous; I did not have any relations with that fanny pack. Yes, I do wear a contraption around my waist that may or may not be misidentified as a fanny pack. I must assure you, though, it is by no means a fanny pack and I take great offense to such accusations.

Enter exhibit A: The contraption that I wear is below and as you can see, has a specific purpose for runners. I am not sure who reads this blog, but if you are a runner, you will know that running clothes do not hold much. Also, when you are out on the road suffering through pounding the pavement, you do not want to have anything in your hands. No, those are saved for dropping the Heismann move while dodging traffic, throwing bows at local dogs that may give chase, and showing annoying folks how you really feel when they cut you off. So, you need to put your water somewhere. In your pockets? That makes sense...

nope.

So some smart people took it upon themseleves to toe the faux pas line without crossing it and came up with the bottle holder. I am not looking to store anything other than my house key and some midrun excuses to slow down, that being a drink.

Enter exhibit B:

I know, I should have warned you all about the picture to the right. If I burned your retinas, well, sorry but I didn't come up with these horrible contraptions. Blame the middle-aged tourist with a lack of social grace, not me.

Anyway, you can see a clear distinction between the pack I wear and the one which scars people, young and old. One is simple, erganomic and people friendly, supplying owners with a resevoir of thirst-quenching liquid. The other is offensive in almost every category imaginable, definitely too many to list here. It often bodes national flair, as seen above. You want to sport flair? Throw on a red polo and some suspenders and get me an awesome blossom. You want to sport American flair? Call up my boy Kronic and seek an invitation to his world-reknowned Festivus Celebration - you will be hip deep in the stars and bars. But showing your patriotism by draping it across your booty?

Nope, not patriotic; at all, really. I don't care if you have a screaming bald eagle tattooed across you chest - still not patriotic to don one of these jammies.

OK, that is enough for now. Back to running....

My long run on Sunday was fine, nothing exciting. I did get to run it in Springfield, MA, my home town. Forest Park is my favorite place to run in New England, although I wish I could have taken it in more this time around. I was busy trying to think about the fact that I had 7.5 more miles to go. I did eventually get through it, although this one was especially slow. I don't know what it was, but my legs were just tight and tired. Unlike previous runs, 10 miles was the farthest I could have gone that day and I was glad to sit down afterwards.

And yes, I did wear my liquid FP.