Check it

I ran a 5 miler last night in Souf Boston with my sister, Annie. It was a nice night, albeit humid. I made the mistake of starting out in the back of the pack, which hampered my first mile. Getting through all of the people and out onto the main street proved detrimental to my time. I went through the first mile in 8 minutes flat, which was not what I was hoping for. It was a nice, flat course along the water and a good time overall. I finished with a 7:27 minute pace, which although not blazing, was better than I expected. The race was also an excuse for me to debut my new racing kicks...

BOOOOOYA.
I realize they are usually worn for XC and track, but they are super light, feel like they weigh about AH pound, so I got 'em. Probably not the best for my shins but hey, details.

The Boilermaker carnage report

Ok, so there isn't much carnage to report, to be honest. I didn't run as fast as I would have liked, but for 9.3 miles in thick humidity, I think I did OK. I would give you my actual time, the accurate one measured by the chip I was wearing, but I can't. Why, you asked? Oh, because the timing company, the one hired to get all of our times correct...yeah, they dropped the ball BIG time. Apparently there was a malfunction at the start and all the data was lost. So, the only times we got were from the gun start. That is fine and dandy for a small 5k race, but when a start looks like this, you are going to have some explaining to do.
Not to mention that the race finishes on the grounds of the Saranac brewery, so some folks are going to be even more irate due to the all-you-can-drink fest.

Ah, nothing says dehydration better than a 9-mile run on a hot and humid day followed up by a dozen Saranac Pale Ales. Now enjoy that drive home, folks!

As for myself, I didn't partake in the hopps and barely love fest, as I already dry heaved enough for the day. I stuck to the free Vitamin water and snow cones...and try to take all the horrific outfits in. Seriously, what better way to say "LOOK AT ME" other than wearing a thin layer of microfiber in places where there should be a lot more material. Ah, but that is the distance runner for you. They are the same bunch that, while resting in the comforts of home...or at Disney Land, will not be afraid to be caught looking like so:

Yeah, that is the dreaded socks and sandals combination. I mean, there hasn't been a combination that deadly since I rocked Chun-Li on the Sega Genesis. There is nothi....

What? What about Blanka? Please. Blanka was trash. Ryu, maybe, but not Blanka; get out of here with that annoying body spin.

Anyway, how great is that socks and sandals specimen on the left? I know, I don't even think that the owner of these size 10's knows that he probably has killed a few people. Out for a slow nance around the park, Vern remains unaware that his devastating combo has caused many onlookers to go blind, even drawn the stare of those behind the wheel, causing massive road carnage.

Poor Vern, he just wanted to go for a little nance. Should have thought that one through, Vern. Should have thought that one through...

Overall, it was a fun weekend, even if I only got 1.3 minutes of sleep at the lovely Davis Motel. With two rooms the size of a freshman dorm and 15 people, not a lot of Z's were caught. Also, I would like to meet the artistic master that is in charge of landscaping at the DM; the fake floral arrangements throughout the property are breathtaking.

I must give props to my boy Mike Howard, who powered to a sub 60-minute finish after fighting Ebola throughout the previous week. Well done, bud. Also to John French, who sprinted for 9 miles and ran 49 minutes and change. Fast, very. I also want to give a huge cyber high-five to the folks who thought they were going to pull off a Guinness Book of World Records feat by handing out glasses with plastic noses on them. Apparently they forgot that they were also handing out free beer...to 15,000 REALLY thirsty people. Apparently everyone was supposed to put them on at a certain time. Whoops. This is what happened instead...

Ah, a good time had by all. And check it out, the debut race for the Petit Family Foundation jersey. Thanks to Dr. Petit for the logo of his family's charity. I certainly wore it with pride and will continue to do so for a long time. I will be running in the first annual Petit Family 5K this Sunday, July 20th in Plainville, CT. If anyone is interested, head on over to:

www.petitroadrace.com

and sign up.

Peace-

B

This is....

What happens when a 15k race ends at a brewery and the beer's free :)

Wow, that wasn't bad.

I'm serious with this one. I'm on the way back now, hamstrings are
shot from that speed workout but other than that, I feel good. Ran 23
minutes for the third and final 5k...not bad!

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."- Mahatma Gandhi

APB out on my fast-twitch muscles

They are missing...

I can't believe they would up and desert me like that. I mean, I know my eyesight and hearing are mandated to leave me over time, but I am prepared for their departure. But I'm only 29 years old and last time I checked, I didn't have any weird grey hairs growing out of my ears and I don't wear these:

If you are wondering what is wrong with such a pair of shoes, then it is a waste of my time to explain it to you. But, being the nice guy that I am, here it is in brief...After the age of forty, a man's DNA changes drastically and as a result, a few things go to the way side. The most important of these is his ability to detect crucial fashion faux pas. It's sad, really, seeing so many good men make such destructive decisions. Unfortunately, major corporations have taken notice to this evolutionary quirk and being evil, they exploit it. Why do you think the world has fanny packs? 

Yeah, I know, I know, it is hard to digest when you first accept the truth. Have a seat, get some water, take a deep breath - the world can be a harsh place. Just count your lucky stars you found this blog, and me, to guide you through the destructive mine fields of bad fashion.

Anywho, sorry for the tangent (you can thank me later). Where was I...middle age...bad DNA, decisions...fanny packs and comfortable white, mid-cut cross training shoes with seven different width selections...OH YEAH!

Got it - They are missing. Up and left me, didn't even leave a note. Just vanished in the night without me even noticing. They are probably in Santa Fe by this point, heading for the border, looking for cheap booze and bad decisions. What are missing, you ask? My fast-twitch muscles, of course.

Obvi; gosh...

I discovered they were missing while attempting a speed workout yesterday on the track near my apartment. It being in Dorchester, I had to shimmy through a fence, and then another, to get to it. Trespassing? Yes, but all in the name of a good cause so it's OK. 

Write that down.

I didn't have any real expectations for this workout...OK, that's a lie, I thought I would be able to at least resemble, even if by the narrowest of margins, a sliver of my old track self. Shoot, I even broke out the dusty spikes that had been sitting in my trunk. Mind you, I haven't run many times on the track since I went and had this done:

Yeah, that would be my left ankle post reconstructive surgery. My favorite part is the staple you can clearly see at the top of the incision that is directly IN the wound itself. Sweet aim, doc. Anyway, putting the spikes on, I wondered if I could still hold my own. I mean, I wasn't a super star or anything, but I could run a 22 second 200, high jump around 6'7", long jump in the high 22's, and split a 49 and change in the 400. With that said, I also realized that running distance had an averse effect on leg speed and turn over, A.K.A. fast-twitch muscles.

BUMP THAT.

How about running distance makes fast-twitch muscles run for the hills, leaving no signs of anything other than tears and terrible split times.

Four 2oo's at 100%, a joke of a workout back in the day but all I could handle at the present time. I was shooting for 25-second splits for the first two and then 27's for the final two. Not fast by any stretch, but good enough to get my legs moving again.

Dear Brian, 

We no longer love you because you neglected us. We are leaving you, have fun trying to get through your workout with out us. 

Talk to you never,

F-twitch

Yep, pretty much sums it up. Here is the carnage:

Splits:

1) 27.5 seconds, thinking I was going too fast as it felt like I was going ALL out. Dismayed by the time, I rested to recovery and tried again.

2) 28 seconds. OK, what the...I was pushing with everything I had, legs looking like someone cut my hamstrings, arms doing some new-aged dance move. I started to get the picture...

3) 30 seconds. Laugh, go ahead. I know, I could jog that in my sleep too...or so I thought. I swear, I was pressing with absolutely everything I had in me. No dice, the mighty Brian struck out.

4) To make myself feel even worse, I ended with a 30.5, a split I would have run if I was injured, intoxicated, with a bag over my head...wearing flip flops. 

So, speed work. Yeaaaaaaaaaaah. Apparently I need to do a bit more of it. Thank the Lord I didn't do the 4x400's I planned on...

Until next time, if you see my fast twitch muscles, send them to:

Brian Hetzel

P.O. Box What the F

Slowville, MA 021ihateeverything

Thanks,

B

Very Cool Happenings!

This has nothing to do with running but I must put it up anyway. So as many of you know, I attended and worked at Suffield Academy, a small independent private school in CT. Well, a few of my good friends and former colleagues and three former students are making a waves in the local music scene and now have a shot at opening up for Coldplay! Please go to the website and vote!!!!

Taken from the the Suffield Academy website, www.suffieldacademy.org,


The Pam Autuori Band, whose members include recent graduates Pam Autuori '08 and Dan Matchett '08, alumnus Keller Glass '01, faculty member David Stillman, and former faculty member Dean Ellerton, is among the final 15 bands in a contest to be the opening act for multi-platinum rock stars Coldplay, at the XL Center in Hartford on August 2nd.

The winning band will be chosen according to votes tallied on the 96.5 FM WTIC web site.

Students, alumni, and friends of Suffield are encouraged to go on line and vote for the band!

The band is the final video, at the bottom of the web page:

http://www.coldplayontour.com/wtic/

NICE WORK GUYS AND PAM!!!!!!!!!!!

Fundraising update

I thought I would update you all with some fundraising numbers. I just got a note from Dr. Petit, said that the numbers from the Petit Foundation golf tournament will most likely be up over $100,000. I have to give a huge congrats to him and the people who put this wonderful event on. If you want to get involved, head over to the Petit 5k road race page at,

www.petitroadrace.com

As of right now, there are over 1,000 folks signed up to run on Sunday, July 20th. I will be there, hopefully with a few friends from the area.

As far as my own fundraising, I have to get on the ball. Thank You to all those who have given so far. I will send out another email tonight, as I still think I can hit my goal. It's a big number, but definitely doable. If you want to give, head over to

main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/brisrunforthepetits

Thank You to you all in advance!

Best-

B

The Boilermaker

Big race this weekend in Utica, NY. It will be the first time I make an appearance at the Boilermaker as a runner, although I have dabbled in the post-race festivities in years past. It should be good run, as the weather looks as though it is trying to cooperate. I will take low 70's, mild humidity, please. The race is slated to draw anywhere from 10,000 to 15,000 peeps, with 11,237 runners signed up for the 9 miler to date (with another 1500 or so for the 5k)...that is a lot of humans. Check out the webpage:

www.boilermaker.com

SLU has represented in large numbers during years past and this year will be no different. We are all congregating for a pasta dinner on Saturday night, hosted by the lovely folks from the alumni office; should be a good time. 

As far as the race itself, I have no idea how I will do. I certainly will not be running down John  French, former SLU XC star and resident cut off T-shirt extraordinaire, that is for sure. Homie likes to cruise in at 49 minutes...for 9 miles...that's like a dead sprint. Props to that, but I'm all set, I want to come away from this weekend with both of my lungs, on the real.

I will update this page from the race, but you all can track the results live if you wish.

Wish me luck!

-B

What running a 25-minute 5k looks like

Soak it in.


SOAK.

IT.

IN.


(and yes Kronic, you really are checking out your calf.)

Run for Wellsie

A few weeks ago a bunch of alumni from SLU track and cross country made the trip out to Canastota, NY (right outside of Syracuse) for the annual Nate the Great 5K. It started off as a run to remember Nate, who was killed in a car accident the summer before he was to head up to SLU. Since then, Nate's family, especially Papa Nate, have become quite close with Mike Howard and the track coaches at SLU, even sending a large contingent of Canastota High School track athletes to the SLU T&F camp every year. Over the last two years, though, the race has morphed into a memorial run for another SLU track athlete as well, my buddy Ryan "Wellsie" Wells.

Wellsie passed away two years ago after battling cancer, beating it twice, for 4 years. He was the definition of a fighter, never gave up and always had a positive attitude. He left a huge impression on those of us who were privileged enough to have known him, even if it was for just a short time. So, it is with great pride that many of us toe the line at the Nate the Great to remember our teammate and friend.

This years' race was like the last few - I started out thinking that I would run well and finished wondering why 5k's suck my will to live. It didn't matter that I was in shape, having put in many, many miles in preparation for such an event. Nooope, didn't matter in the slightest, really. I always manage to do something to undermine my efforts before the race even starts. In past years it was "the worst tradition ever," which entailed getting lit the night before, not sleeping much, and heading to the line for an 8am start. I might as well have done so, I would have a great excuse for my TERRIBLE finishing time. The only thing I can say about this years' race was that the weather wasn't THAT optimal for running. I am pretty sure I could taste the humidity, it was that heavy, coming in somewhere around 1,000,000%. I also wasn't pleased to find that by the time the race got underway, the temperature had already reached 90+. Awesome. You know what that is a recipe for?

Vomit.

Oh and did I ever.

After going out in a pedestrian pace for the first mile, I hit the start of the hill not with gumption and vigor but more with a thud and a whimper. Halfway up what seemed to be K2, I slowed to a notch above Crawl and maintained, not wanting to overdo it...or pass out. When I reached the summit, I was sucking wind and looking for oxygen, or at least a friendly Sherpa to help me finish. With no help in sight, I dropped the hammer and cranked it down a notch to Shuffle pace, reaching the bottom of Mt. What the F wanting to throw things. I had the urge to tackle the water people out of pure spite for being so nice, but I didn't have the energy. So instead, I took my shirt off in the thought that for some reason it would help. All this did was allow the sun to continue its hateful rage on me, sucking every last bit of moisture out of my body. It was at this point - you know, the point where the gates of hell were completely outstretched - when a lovely young lady ran by me and said,

"Come on! Almost there! Just crank those strides."

.......................................................................yeah........................................

I am sure she meant well and that her tone of voice was really normal and didn't sound like a four-year old saying, "I know you are but what am I" but that is besides the point. To me, it sounded like this,

"Come on! My sister could beat you and she is blind with one leg. Face it, I am passing you because you suck. Later, loser!"

That is what I heard and therefore she deserved to get a roundhouse kick to the upper torso. And I would have, too, if I could have done anything other than collapse.

As I made the turn towards the finish line, I felt the sensation that accompanies almost every 5k that I have run. However, this time around, my stomach was not sending a warning shot across the bow. Oh no, he meant business this time around and wasn't at all concerned that the finish line was only 100 meters away. In front of as many people as possible, I pulled off to the side of the road, right onto the lawn of the nice old lady sitting on her front porch. I looked at her, then the man announcing the names of those lucky bastards whose stomachs cooperated, and then at my feet...

Booya.

After giving back what seemed to be my soul, I felt a gentle tap on my back from my good friend and roadmate Chris Konic, who offered these words of encouragement,

"Damn, almost made it. Well, see you at the finish!"

Thanks, Chris, thanks for being there to wipe my tears and hold my hair back.

Feeling authentically awesome enough to start running again, I dragged my pale bag of skin across the finish line in record time...record time meaning my worst 5k result ever. Notice I didn't say, "worst 5k FINISH ever" as that would be misleading. No, my finish was flawless, breathtaking, actually - Wellsie would have been proud.

And I stuck the landing - suckkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas.

Till the next running-induced debacle-

B

Yeaaaaah...so......

I'm a slacker, I will admit it.

I need to do a better job about keeping this updated. I really do not have a good excuse, although I am sure I can think of one... ;)

So my training has been humming along, things are going pretty well. My legs got tired for a spell of a week or so back in June - just felt a little sluggish. That might have been due to the fact that I was 5 weeks ahead of schedule in my marathon training. What? I just eyeballed the calendar and thought I was semi-near the start date.

Yep, nooooooooooope. Not even close.

So, I have scaled things back a bit, lessened my mileage during the week, and DEFINITELY slowed my roll on the weekend long runs. Plus, my golf game has taken a serious hit due to training. What? You try and run 16 miles in the summer and have enough energy to walk around a golf course for 5 hours. That's what I thought. This time last year I had upwards of 30 rounds in with numerous 9-hole rounds as well. This year?

1. Uno. Moja.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak. I don't have the excuse of needing reconstructive knee surgery like Tiger. I just haven't played. I did shoot an 86, though. And what.

Anyway, I will keep this thing updated more often. I have a bunch of stories that I need to post so stay tuned. They are sure to amuse, as usual.

Waguan-

B